It’s been a minute since I’ve sent my last email update, and it got me thinking about how much life ebbs and flows.
I get so excited about all that I’m working on, I want to share everything all at once!
But then sometimes it just feels like everything is too much, and when that feeling of overwhelm creeps in, I shut myself down.
My body becomes paralyzed, and says “this is not safe!” And when my body does not feel safe, I usually don’t follow through.
This is especially true when I’m sharing or expressing myself.
What I’m learning is that it is not as much about what I am expressing, as much as it is learning to sit with my body in the expression and discover that “it is okay to express!”
It is okay to move slow, and test the waters. My body can say “no”.
No is okay.
Recently I’ve been shifting from asking “what more can I do?” to instead asking “What more can I cut out?” What is not necessary? What is the bare minimum to me feeling joy?
And the true answer to that question is a lot less than what my own mental framework conjures up.
I feel joy in the little things - a long walk in the neighborhood, a good sunset, a warm cup of tea. I really do not need much.
The easiest way for me to overcome my paralysis is realizing that I can slowdown and stop. I can even move backwards. No one is measuring me to do anything in particular.
And in giving myself this grace, I feel drawn to test my safety, and reveal my true self - slowly, consistently, and sustainably.
I can share slowly and reflect on that experience. It doesn’t have to happen all at once.
Do I really feel unsafe? Perhaps a part of me does, and I just need to sit with and listen to that part.
Today, I decided to cut back on some things in my life:
I asked the team I lead for Authentic Relating for some extra help, that I may need to take a step back as the leader and move towards a collective model of leadership throughout the summer and onwards.
I relieved the pressure that I have to be anywhere in my career path in particular. I’m grateful to simply work and be in the job that I have now.
I don’t have to accomplish all of my dreams today. I can work towards them slowly, and even be okay with not achieving all of them in this lifetime.
I focused my extra free time on building trust within my body - finding joy in exercising, eating healthy, getting good sleep, and sitting with the part of me that feels unsafe being seen. I’m just testing the waters.
And a final note on ebbs and flows…
In the Tao, it is believed there is no beginning and no end, just a circle.
This wisdom spirals into life as a human, we may think we have a beginning of our life- and an end to it- but there’s deeper part that is eternal, that is empty and always present.
To me, the spiral is such a beautiful shape, always returning to the same place, but each time a little higher, a bit more evolved and expanded.
The same lessons keep coming back in my life, but they are easier and easier each time.
With each deep inhale, there’s a deep exhale, and all of the wisdom is found in the breath in-between.
No part of nature says we must always move forward. It’s simply up and down, in and out.
I laugh as I imagine an ocean wave crashing onto the shore, endlessly moving forward as it engulfs all of the land, until there is no more land to be found… and then what? It has to stop.
Nature so effortlessly shows us deep wisdom within the universe: We can stop. We can move backward. We can exhale and slow down. And in doing so, all will be well.
With many blessings,
David